https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.comEssays by Bethany Mustin Sarazenhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/insteadhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/insteadFri, 05 Jun 2026 12:00:00 +0000I don’t like to be busy, that’s what I’ll tell you. And then I may complain about a schedule that overwhelms me, an introvert and a homebody, when our calendar may appear a paltry collection of appointments and extracurriculars to the mom stimulated by activity.https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/prophecyhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/prophecyMon, 17 Nov 2025 12:00:00 +0000I’m probably a cessationist, but I’ve taken the online quizzes; I always get the same results. My spiritual gift, according to the algorithm, is prophecy. It makes sense as long as I’m not considering it predictive or, even, as an actual word from the Lord.https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/eye-stylushttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/eye-stylusWed, 25 Sep 2024 12:00:00 +0000Over the course of an entire weekend, because we are tired parents and cannot commit to a three-hour movie in one sitting, my husband and I watched the Godfather. The violent scenes were few, but unwitnessed: I would bury my face in Timothy’s shoulder and ask “ can I look can I look when is it over is it over…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/decapitatedhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/decapitatedWed, 28 Aug 2024 12:00:00 +0000The first time it happened, I found Sam—a unisex name since we were uncertain if the chick would turn out to be a rooster or a hen—face down, wings outstretched, the other babies carrying on scratching and pecking and fluttering as though their yellow sibling was not stiff in the pine shavings right next to them. The loss was not…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/gas-stove-angerhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/gas-stove-angerWed, 03 Jul 2024 12:00:00 +0000Click click click BOOM. Every time I cook anything on the stove, it starts with these sounds, with a little flame, with a whoosh of blue fire, with the faint scent of gas. It isn’t like our old electric range, which was sluggish, flat, and flameless. This is quick to ignite, and there’s no way to miss it. With our…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/a-celebrationhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/a-celebrationSun, 16 Jun 2024 12:00:00 +0000Last night, we had good intentions: yoga, reading our next Anxious Generation chapter, early bedtime. And the sun hadn’t set when we lounged on the deck and opened a bottle of Chenin blanc. The chickens were still scratching in the backyard, the shadows were long but we could see each other in the fading light. I don’t know what we…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/all-the-arthttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/all-the-artWed, 05 Jun 2024 12:00:00 +0000I have one tattoo that scrapes across my left ribcage and another that blooms on my upper right arm. My husband is equally marked: left rib, right arm. But my children are no less permanently stained: pens and markers bleed all over their fingers. Their cheeks are smudged with greens, reds, blues. Clothes that I forget to spot treat emerge…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/the-glory-of-mehttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/the-glory-of-meWed, 22 May 2024 12:00:00 +0000I say I have no time, but what I lack is eternity. I do have time, just not enough. What I need is not more minutes, more hours, but more diligence, more wisdom, more grace. I have time, but not for everything: not for homeschooling and cooking and baking and cleaning and socializing and gardening and small group and date…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/poison-ivyhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/poison-ivyWed, 15 May 2024 12:00:00 +0000It began with sticks, with fallen branches. My son planted them like they were alive, jabbing their snapped-off ends into his sandbox. When he’d constructed a veritable forest of dead limbs, he collected crispy brown leaves and sprinkled them over the tops of the sticks, and handfuls of rotting pine needles. I wasn’t sure—did he know these were all dead?…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/im-the-one-who-needs-to-listenhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/im-the-one-who-needs-to-listenWed, 08 May 2024 12:00:00 +0000Of course I noticed my son was constantly going to pee. But I made excuses: he wanted to urinate on a bush or a tree outside and didn’t actually have to go; he wanted to leave our homeschool co-op classroom and had learned this was the best way to escape his education; he drinks water religiously; he’s turned pottying into…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/someone-elses-dreamhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/someone-elses-dreamWed, 10 Apr 2024 12:00:00 +0000I am living the dream, but it belongs to someone else. This is the lie that discontentment whispers: sure, this is good, but it’s not good for you. Sure, technically you’ve been blessed, but not really because you never asked for these so-called blessings. Maybe my life looks like it should be full of joy, but it’s okay that I’m…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/the-nebulous-endhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/the-nebulous-endWed, 03 Apr 2024 12:00:00 +0000As much as I love the sun, some days when it flings aside the gray clouds and we get a warm damp afternoon instead of a drizzly wet one, I’m disappointed instead of grateful.https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/the-long-fermenthttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/the-long-fermentWed, 20 Mar 2024 12:00:00 +0000It may be true that a watched pot never boils, but a scrutinized lump of dough never rises, either.https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/on-certaintyhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/on-certaintyThu, 15 Feb 2024 12:00:00 +0000I know and have known for a long time that love is not the lurch in my belly, the thrill, the rapid heartbeat, the flicker of passion. It is, instead, the deep part of the ocean, where the water is always dark even if the sun is high and hot on the surface of the sea. Where no current yanks…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/rainy-dayshttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/rainy-daysWed, 31 Jan 2024 12:00:00 +0000Day two of rain, although it has slackened so I can now see the sky. It’s the color of snow, but we won’t get any; the temperature has risen to the fifties. I hear the sound of water everywhere: the dishwasher humming, tires splashing through puddles on the street, hot water dripping through fresh coffee grinds in a new pourover,…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/better-nowhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/better-nowWed, 10 Jan 2024 12:00:00 +0000Our life together began long before children, but you wouldn’t know it by stepping into our house. The only photos lining the walls are professional shots of newborns and a few family sessions in between. There’s nothing to document a life before the babies came. That life did exist, and it was both troubling and glorious, but all you’ll find…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/a-word-for-the-weary-at-christmashttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/a-word-for-the-weary-at-christmasWed, 29 Nov 2023 12:00:00 +0000The days are short, cold, dark, and busy. The calendar is bulging, the timer dinging, the kettle screaming. We’re shuffling here, scurrying there, forgetting this, losing that. And the image of Jesus I repeatedly find myself facing is one of a swaddled baby stuffed in a bale of hay, swarmed by an assortment of farm animals. I need Jesus now…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/untangling-angerhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/untangling-angerWed, 08 Nov 2023 12:00:00 +0000I’m not an angry person, only an irritable, grumpy, frustrated person. I’m not prone to rage or fury, only a quietly simmering annoyance. I would have sworn those weren’t the same things, rage and irritation, before I had children. It takes a lot to make me mad, that’s what I would have said. Not a lot to annoy me, though.…https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/unholy-frenzyhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/unholy-frenzyWed, 25 Oct 2023 12:00:00 +0000The Lord may be slow, but I am not. Perhaps the Creator can unhurriedly speak life into existence, and then rest, but I can’t afford myself that luxury.https://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/ocracoke-a-summaryhttps://www.bethanymustinsarazen.com/blog-1/ocracoke-a-summaryWed, 04 Oct 2023 12:00:00 +0000(I wrote the bulk of this while we were gone. This is the most diary-like blog post I’ve ever written, but not because it’s deeply intimate. Mostly because it’s just an assortment of memories. But they’re good ones, and I want to keep them.) There is no sign of the tropical storm now, except for maybe swaths of black sand…